Chopstick Leadership

Chopstick Leadership

It’s easy for me to understand the confusion between management and leadership. They are for sure intertwined, but they are different. Perhaps the easiest way to explain the former is management keeps the slug moving along, and leadership the art of leveling up. With that said, the topic that gets the most love and attention over the course of the past two decades or so is the concept of leadership.

I have three boys now, and one of my tasks as their father is to grow them into men. Although it will happen far faster than their dear mother would ever like, the job must be done. One of the tools I’ve been putting into their kit is what leadership is. It starts out easy, Josiah, is my oldest, and the default leader of his brothers, a title he is currently rebuking because what nine-year old likes to carry the load of responsibility of the sins of their brothers? Then this past weekend I went camping with some family friends. There was one boy who I have a shine to, Hiroto, who I assigned as the “Fire Marshal,” meaning he was in charge of keeping the fire pit fed with fresh wood so others can enjoy their evening. My second son, Atticus, wanted the attention of the high honor of being the Fire Marshal and whined to me about it. There were many ways of skinning this cat, but I settled for one that left a lesson.

What could have been done was have the boys take turns in a democratic sense. This is not the route I chose. Echoing Ric Flair’s mantra of “to be the man, you have to beat the man,” I had the boys engage in a civilized form of trial by combat. I had each on of them hold chopsticks out like they were hanging from the cross of Responsibility, and the first one who would drop their arms would be declared the loser. It’s only chopsticks they were holding, but given enough time, they began to feel the weight of their life choices.

Atticus lost, and we continued onto the night. Curled up in his his mother’s arms, Atticus was upset and confused why I had chosen that metric of leadership, holding chopsticks. What I told my son was there was not always a clear way of selecting a leader. Sometimes a leader is chosen on physical strength, sometimes it is their brain, but in his case I was looking at who had the most heart. Whoever was going to hold of all things chopsticks needed heart and determination. Strength would have taken him so far, but who wanted it the most was going to posses something no one can touch, but angels can hold.

One of the best parts of being a father is watching my sons be brothers. The next favorite part is watching a life lesson take root and seeing it sink into their marrow. Atticus now knows that there are many tasks needed to becoming a leader, but one of the most important among these is having the bravery to go through the pain and tapping into his heart. This was all done with a pair of chopsticks.

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